By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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