clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Randomize
