I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
