people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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