I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Randomize
