I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
