Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Maybe he injected his testicle?
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize