I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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