I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
