How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
