Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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