The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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