So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
