Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
