I feel like I'm in dance class right now
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
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