just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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