i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
You ate ashes out of my bong
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
