Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Randomize