So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
why do cheetos always look like penises
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
