I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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