they need to just BURY HIM!
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Randomize
