I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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