two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
