If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
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