i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
