im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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