Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
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