escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
