my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize