Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Randomize
