I could make wine with my vomit
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
as a side note pls kill me
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
