Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Randomize
