we made out on top of his cat.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
