It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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