one two three fourrrrnication!
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
