you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
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