ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Randomize
