I'm gonna have a badass scar
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
