a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
