Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
She bit a glass in half.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
