Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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