those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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