how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
