this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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