Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
