I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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