I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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