my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
