She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
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