Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
