I think my vagina is haunted
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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