im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
