discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
