just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
