She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Randomize