Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
