Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
