If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
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