I want to make a zoo with you.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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