I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
