I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I intend to get homeless drunk
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
