You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize