his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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