mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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