I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
The adults are the big ones right?
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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