is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Randomize
