It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
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