I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
