Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
