I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
false alarm, still single
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