i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
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