Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Randomize
