I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
