I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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