So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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