let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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