Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
You were trust falling into bushes
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
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