dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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