oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
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