I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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