ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize