sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
