my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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