I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I wish there were birth control emojis
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
