and i looked up. we had an audience...
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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