We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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