So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I want to have your abortion
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
