eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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