i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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