it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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