I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
he was CRYING into my vagina
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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