i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
