i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
