Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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