Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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