went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
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