I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
