I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
