His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
