The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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