Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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