oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I'm passing your future prison.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Randomize
