i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
