in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize