I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
