There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
