if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
