I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Randomize
