Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Randomize
