Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Randomize
