she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
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